When your man does not want to talk

You want to feel closer but this "thing" that you can't talk about keeps you wary and closed down.

You even start putting a question mark in front of every part of your relationship because you think if "this" can't be resolved, what kind of relationship do you have anyway.

If you've ever felt this kind of frustration before and want some tips on how to get back to loving, here's a question along these lines from a reader and our answer...

A Reader's Question...

"My partner refuses to talk about a problem and if he does say anything, he says one thing but ends up meaning something else. How can I get him to open up and be honest with me?"

Our Answer...

If your man doesn't "want to talk about it," it could be because of any number of reasons...

1. He may not see this as a problem--but you do.

2. Talking about it may not be his preferred way of dealing with problems. He might feel like if you don't talk about it, it will eventually go away.

3. He might feel that he can't win an argument when your opinion differs from his so he doesn't talk about it and if he does, he'll tell you what you want to hear so he can keep some semblance of peace.

So if any or all of these are true in your relationship, what do you do?

If you really want him to open up (and we know this might sting a bit because after all it's HIM who's clammed up and isn't being straight with you)...

You have to look at your approach to "the talk" and how you're coming off to him.

If someone isn't acting the way you want, what's worked for us and for our coaching clients is to first look at yourself and what you can do differently to become more of an invitation to resolve an uncomfortable situation.

Take a look at if you're allowing him to talk without you immediately contradicting him and making him wrong.

(Both of us have fallen into this hole and it always creates even more ugliness and defensiveness!)

See if your words are an invitation to find a solution instead of a constant litany of what's wrong.

There are so many ways you can open up communication between the two of you!

If this relationship is important to you, we invite you to do just one thing differently and see what happens.

More love and ease really is possible.

Posted by Oriyomi Omo ba